Many of these musings could have been my own Arp! Crazy how that inner critic takes us down. I can engage in those creative endeavors that feel “safe” or “productive” too and yet won’t write my book or make my art. My brain gives me every excuse. I think it’s almost as if I know I would want to dive so hard into that hyperfocus once I start, that I don’t start to avoid the interruptions my life will inevitably provide. As the kids become more self sufficient and I explore, I hope to adopt less of an all or nothing attitude about my own interests and lean into the talents that really light me up. I read today on adhd homestead that “just because I can do it all, doesn’t mean I should.” I’ve been working on this since my diagnosis. Learning to write down my intended monthly focus and the yearly words of how I want to feel help me check in when my brain wants to say yes to a little bit of everything. If I feel compelled to do it all (even that which I probably have no real interest in), I’m learning that I will always prevent a real dive into something more meaningful. I think its hard when you’ve been making so long. Being “good” was praised enough that it altered our output in the world to be mote palateble for others. At some point it just became too much for me, I was so exhausted and needed to figure out why it was all so hard. That was where I leaned into being diagnosed (after a suggestion from friends). It’s wild redefining yourself later in life, but so worth it. Glad you started the blog!