My final #Eurovision rankings, in order:

My top 3

1. Croatia – the best in all respects: catchy, funny, folksy, danceable, with a great performer
2. Czechia – i love this song, bring me all the 80s gothy darkwave pop
3. Ireland & San Marino – good songs and great performances

The best of the rest

4. Armenia – fun, this is what Eurovision is all about
5. Australia – just a damn good song & performance
6. Finland – weird ftw
7. Netherlands – weird & catchy ftw
8. Norway – mix of metal theater myth & vocals
9. Estonia – weird & folky ftw
10. Poland – just a good song
11. Greece – they mixed styles and made it work
12. Italy – she totally made this song
13. Luxembourg – took some creative risks that worked

OK songs elevated by the performers

14. Switzerland – love the musical theatre vibes
15. Germany – Isaak killed it live, I don’t dig ballads but I am buying what he’s selling
16. Iceland – I wish she had some Loleatta Holloway in her, that would’ve pushed it a lot higher
17. Denmark – without her it wouldn’t work

Mediocre songs elevated by the performers

18. Ukraine – Mother Theresa is a horrible person but these women made the performance worth watching
19. Spain – I get the message and love seeing older performers, I just wish the song were better
20. France – ballads tend to suck, but they were smart focusing on the guy, dude can sing

Songs save by at least one kickass synth sound (ie they suck otherwise)

21. Portugal (her voice too)
22. Moldova – waiting for a wobbly bass was the only reason to keep listening

Forgettable songs that sound like ripoffs of other songs (like Loreen’s ‘winner’) & performances that fell flat

23. Malta
24. Cyprus
25. Lithuania
26. Israel
27. Serbia (great fx tho)
28. Slovenia

Songs that were just plain BAD

29. Sweden – whiny voices & a generic club track
30. Albania – I swear someone else did a better version of this song this year
31. Belgium – still sucked despite the detuned analog synths
32. Georgia – similes, metaphors, & tropes oh my, talk about complete unoriginality
33. UK – weak song, weak voice, weak performance (despite all the thrusting)
34. Latvia – this song made me happy that I only had to endure it for 3 minutes

And finally: the two worst entries of Eurovision 2024

35. Azerbaijan – someone else did this song better, plus they looked like space garbagemen on stage
36. Austria – crass attempt at leveraging #Eurodance nostalgia with a singalong chorus, no one is raving to this crap