Tomorrow is Day 28 on #Vyvanse, and it’s been a promising time. Not necessarily due to the Vyvanse, though it’s better than #Adderall, #Concerta, or #Strattera for me. Definitely smoother and more ‘in the background’ than other #adhd meds (if they even worked for me), with the only downside being not being able to tolerate much #caffeine while it’s active or I get far beyond jittery.
More importantly, it’s been 15 days since I spoke to a new therapist, after a 10 day emotional rollercoaster that was kicked off by a song I hadn’t heard since childhood. I opened up to a therapist for the first time, after previously holding back the stuff I wanted to avoid with multiple therapists. But after the rollercoaster I was on, I just had to let it out.
The day after this therapy session, 99% of my #brainfog disappeared, and my executive dysfunction vastly improved. I thought it was the Vyvanse finally starting to work out of the blue after 2 weeks but I haven’t found another example of it working suddenly that well for anyone else. I did learn that #depression can result in brain fog and GODDAMN DOES THAT EXPLAIN A LOT.
I was depressed and unaware of it, which is annoying since I’ve been depressed in the past and thought I’d be able to recognize it. I thought I was in a good place, having worked hard for years to not be reactive, to not get worked up over anything inconsequential or out of my control (much thanks to #Stoicism for showing me the way 🙏🏽). One song started an emotional avalanche where it felt like all the work I’d done on myself disappeared and every single fear & insecurity I’d ever had all came roaring back at once.
I thought I was losing it. Sometimes thoughts were racing so fast I couldn’t keep up. I know a lot was coming from my #subconscious but a lot of still felt like it was out of left field. I thought I was experiencing mania, after seeing it was an uncommon side effect of Vyvanse (and prolly many other stimulants). I don’t believe that to be the case, as my emotional episodes didn’t interfere with my responsibilities; I was just grasping at straws.
What I am coming to terms with is that
- the emotions, while heightened to extremes, were/are real and valid
- what I opened up about must valid, based on the unbelievable clarity I’ve had since (my head went from feeling like it was full of cotton balls to just quiet & alert)
- I’ve got some hard work to do on things I’ve ignored for far, far too long
Wish me luck 🫣🫣🫣
Bridgy Response
Bridgy Response
@ArpComics I can confirm therapy has done wonders for me too. Howerer the thing that had a greater impact on my wellbeing by gar has been meditation.
I know it is hard for us, but observing our thoughts and trying not to act on them is so powerful.
@everydayadhd I’ve read repeatedly about the benefits of meditation but it is a helluva challenge for my brain. I do think I will give it another go next year.
Bridgy Response
@ArpComics Thanks for sharing your experience. In my life I’ve been amazed that so many things can be influenced so profoundly by a few chemicals in the brain. (If I were a women, I’m sure I would be far less surprised by that fact.)
I agree that’s it’s both amazing and just .. weird .. that one’s feelings and perceptions can be changed so much in such a short time under the influence of meds. I started taking Vyvanse a year ago, and it’s certainly made a difference.
Bridgy Response
Sooooooo this year has been, um… what’s the opposite of whirlwind -quicksand? My mental state has been absolute crap this year. I had 2 incredible, brain fog free weeks after opening up to a therapist for the first time in December. Then it slowly crept back over the holiday break and came back full force in January. That was when I learned that #brain-fog is a symptom of #depression. And I realized that all the years I thought I was not depressed I was actually depressed. I did a bang-up job of burying my emotions, how healthy 😆😭😆😭😆 The last 2 months have been crappy. I’m ridden with brain fog, generally unmotivated, and getting by with the bare minimum. And the country is an actively flushing toilet, with economic doom looming. What a time to be alive. Or not. I’m focused on chasing the dragon lack of brain fog, or Not Being Depressed. Because I’m depressed af, except I think I know what’s causing it. And resolving that is a monumental fucking task 😱😱😱