adhd brain not really

Sooooooo this year has been, um… what’s the opposite of whirlwind -quicksand? My mental state has been absolute crap this year. I had 2 incredible, brain fog free weeks after opening up to a therapist for the first time in December. Then it slowly crept back over the holiday break and came back full force in January.

That was when I learned that #brain-fog is a symptom of #depression. And I realized that all the years I thought I was not depressed I was actually depressed. I did a bang-up job of burying my emotions, how healthy 😆😭😆😭😆

The last 2 months have been crappy. I’m ridden with brain fog, generally unmotivated, and getting by with the bare minimum. And the country is an actively flushing toilet, with economic doom looming.

What a time to be alive. Or not.

I’m focused on chasing the dragon lack of brain fog, or Not Being Depressed. Because I’m depressed af, except I think I know what’s causing it. And resolving that is a monumental fucking task 😱😱😱

Arp Laszlo
Hi, I’m Arp! I got diagnosed with ADHD at 49, and now I'm trying to figure out what's me, what's masking, and just about everything else. I make comics (when imposter syndrome isn't striking) and write about life as a creative Indian-American. I’m self-taught, self-employed, and self-flagellating.

More Notes & Asides

you have to love it enough to be bad at it. brian mcdonald
This isn’t #adhd specific but it is a quote that really smacked me upside the head. It made me realize that I didn’t mind sucking at a lot of activities I’ve enjoyed. I welcomed the process of getting better – or not getting better, because sometimes things are just plain fun. And if sucking at it isn’t appealing, then I guess it’s not for me. This has proven pretty damn accurate. The source – #BrianMcDonald – is many things (writer, director, producer) all built around his skill in #storytelling. He’s written some excellent #books on #writing as well – #InvisibleInk is one I highly recommend. My favorite place to glean some #wisdom from him is his #podcast ‘You Are A Storyteller’ (where I heard this #quote). He talks a lot about movies but his explanations for why this or that #story works/doesnt work has helped me write better #stories. #meme ...

This looks soooooo purty! I love how #IntoTheSpiderverse (one the best #movies EVER) broke #animation out of its ‘Everything looks like #Pixar’ doldrums. Now we get actual feasts for the eyes, like The Mitchells vs the Machines, instead of Even More Realistic Hair™. #TMNT #MutantMayhem #trailer

My patience these days for non-native English speakers providing #techsupport is ZERO. They’re not much better than ‘ai’ and getting the right answer is like pulling teeth. I try to give all the details needed to answer my question and they ignore most of it, don’t understand what they do pay attention to, and give the quickest answer they can that is vaguely related to what I asked. It’s frustrating as hell, they’re just hurdles in trying to get anything done.

Do I really need to make reminders to myself for fun stuff?
One aspect of #adhd that’s irritating af is forgetting to do the things I want to do for fun. I don’t need to keep the not-fun stuff I do in my head so it can stay in a task manager but do I really need to make reminders to myself for things like ‘Read for fun while drinking coffee?’ 🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️ #ADHDer #AdultADHD #ADHDLife

Gotta hand it to #landlords, somehow important shit like ACs & fridges break down only on holiday weekends.

#Merchize’s support tries, sorta. But they suffer from the same issues that plague most #Asian nations who provide support to American customers: The last point I confirmed when working with some #Indian web devs year back. One day I asked them to change the color of text on a page to white, which they proudly did – except the background of the page was white 🤦🏽‍♂️ In any case: Merchize support tries but they use #Facebook or a #chatbot on their website for support. They do not have a ticketing system, and thus they repeatedly ask me questions I answered days before. It’s just half-assed. They try, but they’re going through the motions.

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