adhd brain not really

Sooooooo this year has been, um… what’s the opposite of whirlwind -quicksand? My mental state has been absolute crap this year. I had 2 incredible, brain fog free weeks after opening up to a therapist for the first time in December. Then it slowly crept back over the holiday break and came back full force in January.

That was when I learned that #brain-fog is a symptom of #depression. And I realized that all the years I thought I was not depressed I was actually depressed. I did a bang-up job of burying my emotions, how healthy 😆😭😆😭😆

The last 2 months have been crappy. I’m ridden with brain fog, generally unmotivated, and getting by with the bare minimum. And the country is an actively flushing toilet, with economic doom looming.

What a time to be alive. Or not.

I’m focused on chasing the dragon lack of brain fog, or Not Being Depressed. Because I’m depressed af, except I think I know what’s causing it. And resolving that is a monumental fucking task 😱😱😱

Arp Laszlo
Hi, I’m Arp! I got diagnosed with ADHD at 49, and now I'm trying to figure out what's me, what's masking, and just about everything else. I make comics (when imposter syndrome isn't striking) and write about life as a creative Indian-American. I’m self-taught, self-employed, and self-flagellating.

More Notes & Asides

Do I really need to make reminders to myself for fun stuff?
One aspect of #adhd that’s irritating af is forgetting to do the things I want to do for fun. I don’t need to keep the not-fun stuff I do in my head so it can stay in a task manager but do I really need to make reminders to myself for things like ‘Read for fun while drinking coffee?’ 🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️ #ADHDer #AdultADHD #ADHDLife

A little sailor shirt for our cat
We went #thrifting last week and I found this tots adorbs #sailor shirt for our boi Zuko. He ain’t gonna be too happy but he’s gonna look SO CUTE. And Grumpy. Which will still be CUTE. Also: testing my first share to #Pixelfed from #Wordpress 🤞🏽 #cat #cats #CaturdayEveryday #POSSE #IndieWeb

I met an old friend from college for the first time in over a decade last weekend, and it was good to see that some things don’t change, despite time & distance. Recently they invited me to join a group chat w/ other college acquaintances, which I declined because why would I willfully chat with people just because we went to the same school for a bit? My friend said that everyone else had given up and accepted their lot in life. Most are neurotypical and some judged me for not studying or being serious enough. Who wants to be surrounded by people who feel like that? 2 things I’ve learned about my #adhd: 1) I never run out of ideas so there’s always something keeping things interesting (the big problem is sorting through them), and 2) my persistence is fierce. I guess having a sketchy memory and being easily ...

I’ve loved #DaftPunk for decades but have never seen the video for “Around the World” (or any of their videos) until today.

#Merchize’s support tries, sorta. But they suffer from the same issues that plague most #Asian nations who provide support to American customers: The last point I confirmed when working with some #Indian web devs year back. One day I asked them to change the color of text on a page to white, which they proudly did – except the background of the page was white 🤦🏽‍♂️ In any case: Merchize support tries but they use #Facebook or a #chatbot on their website for support. They do not have a ticketing system, and thus they repeatedly ask me questions I answered days before. It’s just half-assed. They try, but they’re going through the motions.

One of the worst things about having #adhd is getting an idea and forgetting it in the few seconds it takes to find my notes app to write it down 🤦🏽‍♂️

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